“Life isn’t meant to be lived perfectly…but merely to be LIVED. Boldly, wildly, beautifully, uncertainly, imperfectly, magically LIVED.” – Mandy Hale.

Happy Birthday Chris! I am so grateful for the memories – surprise breakfasts, donut cakes, kids’ handmade cards, you choosing Chuck E. Cheese for your birthday so we could play with the kids…, romance, laughter… all of it!

And then there was the one I misunderstood – the last one we spent together. You wanted a laidback day, decompressing with some video games or couch and tv time. I thought “like a spa day for a woman”! I asked if you wanted a party that night like the previous year with friends who also had April birthdays. You said, “sure”. I got decorations, cake, a playlist of your favorite songs and made a dance floor in the living room.

Your mood changed as the hours went by. By dinnertime I knew you really weren’t happy. Do you remember us talking later than night about what was happening? You told me, “It’s my birthday and you didn’t even spend it with me.” I remember feeling brokenhearted and stunned. I wondered how I missed the mark. If I had only known you just wanted time with me to do nothing, I would have done it then and I would have loved to do it every birthday after.

Of course, today I would give up any celebration at all to spend even one more hour with you cuddling up on the couch. We were getting better on communication, weren’t we? I’m intentionally not focused on missing the mark. Rather, I am grateful for the opportunity we had to learn. I think you learned you had a safe place with me for your feelings and that I actually loved knowing about them, didn’t judge them and wanted to know the truth of them.

I feel so blessed we had so many other things to celebrate and other time to focus on each other before you left this crazy ride of life on earth. I am grateful you lived! Boldly, wildly, imperfectly and magically!

You are the gift on my heart today.

I hope heaven is throwing you one heck of a party – or…not. Until we meet again my love…..Happy Birthday.